Crisis

      This week we discussed family crisis and how different crises affect different families, etc. Family crises come from sources called stressors. There can be many types of stressors and each stressor affects families differently. Some examples of these stressors would be internal (comes from within the family) vs. external (outside of the family), normative  (expected evens such as birth or marriage of children) vs. nonnormative (divorce, war), Volitional (family seeks them out, such as seeking a new job, a planned pregnancy) vs. Nonvolitional (not sought after such as being laid off).

        There are more categories that these events fall into, but these are just some of them. So lets get real about some stressors. What can they be? Well, they can really be anything. Unemployment, a wedding, starting kindergarten, not making the budget for the month, a death in the family, having to take the car in for repair, getting in a horrible accident.... and on and on. What defines it as a crisis is how the family handles the issue. For example, in class we discussed how families might handle unemployment in different ways. One family might say, 'well, we'll find another job soon and we'll all band together during this time. We'll tighten our budget and everyone will contribute what they can and we'll get through this.' They see the situation more as an opportunity to learn and grow together. Another family might say 'This is an absolute disaster. How will we live? How will we ever find something else?' This is the same situation, but it is affecting these two families differently. Why? Well, of course theres the fact that one family might be generally of a more positive attitude than the other. Or maybe they have fewer kids or had more money saved. There are a lot of reasons that they could be affected differently. But one big reason we considered in class is how many stressors these families are experiencing at one time. Perhaps the first family, the one with a positive outlook is only facing the stressor of  unemployment. But maybe the second family just recently lost a child and is facing unemployment. And they are going to care for their grandmother and have another dependent in the home. This family is facing so many stressors that the unemployment is viewed as a crisis in this situation, where if they were under less stress, it wouldn't be viewed as a crisis. So just some interesting thoughts. For me I think it applied in helping me keep an open mind when looking at others. As my mother always always taught me, you never know what they are going through. You can't know. So be understanding. And I think this can definitely apply here. Not that we really judge those who have just lost a loved one. But maybe we see a family that appears to be breaking down over something that we just don't see to be that big of a deal. But we have no idea how many stressors that family is facing all at the same time. So we should reach out and be loving and accepting and helpful. I guess I shouldn't say 'we' I should say 'I'. Cause I know its me with this problem! And I shouldn't be assigning my issues to all of you :)

     One final point.... from all of this learning we decided in class that it is important to have a plan for how to deal with crises in your family. Because they will come. Even if you try to have a positive outlook. I once had a professor who gave me a questionnaire of questions that she felt should be asked before you married someone. They were questions like 'are you a 100% Visiting or Home Teacher' 'do you struggle with an addiction to pornography or anything else' 'do you hold a current temple recommend' and etc. These are obviously quite personal questions that you wouldn't just ask on the first date. But they would be good to know before marriage! So one of the questions was 'what do you want the other to do when you are scared? Do you want to be held, be left alone, etc.?' I think this is such a good question for this post. You will have family crises, so how will you handle them? Will you hold family councils about it or hide it from your spouse or children? Will you dedicate yourself more fully to the Lord or pull away from the church? Will you have the wife work outside the home if it becomes necessary? Is that an option for you and if it is, is it first choice or last resort? Will you lean on food storage? Will you ask others for help in paying medical bills? Who would you have raise your children if you died? What if you died at a young age, would you have your spouse remarry or ask them not to?  These may be really morbid questions, but I think it's better to have a plan for something, instead of just being hit suddenly by life circumstances.