The Grapefruit Syndrome

   I recently read a short article in the Ensign entitled Grapefruit Syndrome. I loved the story and thought it had some really great points. Her basic point is that one day she sat down with her new husband to discuss the things that they didn't like about each other, or the things that annoyed them about each other. She told him a few things but the only thing she can still remember from the conversation is that she told him that she could hardly stand it that he ate his grapefruit like an orange. He peeled it and ate it in sections. She said she didn't know anyone else who ate a grapefruit that way and "Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange?" After she got through expressing this to her husband, she asked what things bothered him about her and he said “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, Honey.” Wow. Quite a wake-up call for her. Really, how important was it that she cared about a silly grapefruit? He was a good and honest man who took good care of her and she was bothered about the way he ate a grapefruit. Anyway, she said that this experience began to help her change and not be so quick to find fault.
     I love this story. I think it can obviously apply really well to marriage, but I think it can apply to any relationship we ever have in the world. I have roommates that do things differently then I do and I  think 'that is so ridiculous, why are you doing that that way?' when in reality, it's just a silly grapefruit. I think relationships with siblings can be looked at this way. I think friendships, neighborhood relationships, work relationships, or any other type of relationship we encounter here can use the test of the grapefruit.
   Another point that I think goes along well with this is something I learned last semester when I attended a class with a friend. They were having a discussion about marriage that day and the students were asking questions of the professor and her husband. In that discussion the teacher talked about something that she and her husband implemented in their marriage early on. When conflict arises, they both rate how important the situation is to them. For example, one day they were driving home to their small town and passed the only ice cream shop that was around for awhile. They didn't often get out that way and so she says to her husband, "doesn't an ice cream cone sound nice? Wouldn't you like one?" He said that no, he wouldn't really care for one and they drove on past and soon arrived home. Well, the wife was quite upset at her husband for not stopping to get the ice cream cone. Finally he asked her what was wrong and when she huffily replied 'nothing' he said, "is this about that ice cream cone? Come on now, on a scale of 1-10, how important is this to you?" She said that when he put it that way, she realized it was only about a 2. Which meant that it wasn't worth throwing a fit and causing an argument about it. They began to implement the "On a Scale of 1-10" method in their relationship.  Not only did this help them to maintain perspective when they encountered conflict, it also provided a way of solving the conflict. If she had responded that it was a 7 for her and he had said it was a 5 for him, then she would have "won" (for lack of a better term) and they would have gone back to get the ice cream cone. Now, obviously that could be manipulated by either party, but in a good relationship where you are trusting each other, I think that it would be a very good scale to use. Then it doesn't become a power struggle or a battle of wills between the two of you, it's just a matter of importance.
    Again, I think this can be applied to any relationship. Obviously it might not work with younger children, or sometimes even teenagers, who might see that everything falls in the 10 category. But I still think it can be productive and useful.
     Those are my thoughts this week. Thanks for listening! Sorry it's so long...