Differences, a Reason to Celebrate

        This week in class we talked about differences that affect families. We each have a culture within our families--that is, the way that we think and act towards each other, the customs our family lives by. So a lot of these differences can be caused by the dissimilarity in family cultures. For example, If you and your spouse come from different family cultures --which, you will, otherwise that would be like... gross. Cause otherwise you'd come from the same one... and thats awkward-- that can cause problems. If in your family you grew up saying I love you out loud to each other constantly and that is the way that you show and receive love, and then your spouse comes from a family where they never say it out loud, you're probably going to feel that your spouse doesn't love you. When you bring that up, they're thinking 'hello! Of course I love you, I do this and this and this for you!' But you didn't see that because you come from a different culture. Does that make sense? Some other examples of statements to describe family culture include :  "In our family, work was very important. You worked hard and did your best to achieve success." or "Education was stressed in my family. Education was first and you did everything you could to get good grades and a good education" or "In my family, food was very important. Food was everything and we based all our get togethers and family functions around food."
     So, what is the importance of understanding family cultures? Not only can this concept affect our marriage relationships, it can also affect our relationships with our friends, neighbors, and even siblings. We discussed that there are often different cultures even within families, for example, perhaps between father and sons, they don't say I love you, but between father and daughters, they do. So all of these relationships in our lives are concerned with understanding differences in family cultures. I think a good way of trying to understand this is to question those you love about their family. Ask them things such as 'in your family growing up, did you have a job outside school? Or were you rewarded for your good grades and told that if you kept them up, that your parents would pay for further schooling?' or any questions like that. Get to know someone. Obviously, this kind of conversation would work with friends,  neighbors, or spouses, but may not really work between siblings. If there seems to be a difference within families, I think it would be good to just pay attention to what things they are comfortable with and things that they are not. Or notice how they spend their time or how they interact with other siblings or friends. Just opening up and paying attention I think can get us a long way.
        Once we have learned about this person's family culture, I think it is important to respect that culture. And if you feel strongly about something that is different about them --as you might in a marriage relationship-- then open up an open discussion about it. Communicate! And maybe not even in a marriage relationship, maybe even just in a close friendship. If you notice it is in their family culture to make brownies for someone every time they want to say I love you, but in your family culture it's important to be health-conscious, then you're going to have a conflict there. But instead of letting these differences destroy relationships and hurt others by keeping them all 'swept under the rug,' lets open up and talk about them. Most often, the one making the brownies (or anything else) doesn't realize that they are sabotaging the healthy friend who just doesn't want to eat that much sugar, fat, or chocolate. They aren't trying to maliciously ruin your healthy diet!
         So I guess the point of this post is to help us to find the differences in others, appreciate that they are there and understand that they are a part of the way that person was raised, and then either let it go or talk about it. Work it out! Celebrate differences. Allow them to enrich your relationships, instead of spoiling them.